Thursday, April 23, 2009

Rant ON! Restaurant Edition!

OK people, Ive been quiet too long. People have NO IDEA how to eat at restaurants anymore! There are simple rules, that as a server I believe my readers should observe.
Of course MY READERS KNOW how to eat at restaurants, but Anyways here are my BIGGEST customer pet peeves.

The Seat Yourselvers!

These fuckers just walk in, and totally ignore the PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED SIGN. They sit down at whatever table they please, oblivious to the server rotation w/ no menus or silverware. Then BITCH when they aren't served immediately...Check for a please wait to be seated sign, if you see no sign, wait to be seated JUST to make sure.

The Cell Phoners
Wait until AFTER you order or BEFORE you sit down to talk on the phone. The OK exception is calling a member of your party to ask them what they want to eat or drink...

The Piss Before Ordering Peeps

Atleast, give me a drink order, before you go to the bathroom! Preferably a food order too. You'll have 20 mins at least while waiting for your food anyways!

The Coupon Crew

These people bring in coupons for every person. It says 1 per table! 1 per table! Not 1 per check! Separate checks will do you nothing!

Tip calculators

Take the 1st number, multiply by 2, DONE! Yeah I earned 20%

NO Daycare
HATE the families that just let their kids run around the restaurant. One time at Bennigans one of those little fucks tripped me and I dropped a tray of food on their kid. They yelled at me, I yelled back and said "maybe if you WATCHED your kids we wouldn't me in this mess", Almost got fired! Didn't! It was SO worth it! Also I hate the concept of the "kid table" especially w/ separate checks, because you have to coordinate the adults w/ the kids, and sometimes, shit gets fucked up! Sit w/ your OWN KIDS, it's called LOVE PEOPLE!

The All day orders!
The menu isn't that big people! its not a life & death decision, tell me what you want! it's your only job!

That's all I can think of right now! I'M SURE there are more! But those are the ones that REALLY stick out! What do you other servers hate?


courtney d said...

The next one that comes to my mind are the SSBSers - Same Side Booth Sitters. Those cuddly couples who want to sit on the same side of the booth. Sit across from each other! It's less awkward for me and everyone.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness I'm unfairly sexy so I can get away with some foolishness when I have male waiters.

I'm such a picky eater and I always have to make a million substitutions and even change the recipes a little bit.

Surely, the Pwn Star is the exception to your rants, correct?

Michelle said...

People who order tea
People who order water and lemons and clean out the sugar packets
People who bitch about the food but eat it all before they say something.
I have a million more of these. 16 years worth to be exact.

Lee said...

Here's how I do tips:
Take 10% first.
So if your check is... $35.50
10% is $3.50
And then if you want to do 15 to 20%
15% - Add half of $3.50 to $3.50
20% - Add double $3.50

Easy as hell. Don't even need a calculator for it. As long as you can take 10% you're golden.

Sarah said...

I disagree with the pee before ordering a server, I would wait until the person re-joins the table before going over, no biggie. I understand the coupon people and trying to split the checks, but only because of the economy. Don't try to do that shit after you fish three coupons out of your COACH purse. And I TOTALLY disagree with the same side booth sitters. No, I do not sit on the same side as Sean but I think it's endearing when people do that, as long as they're not swapping spit in the process. God, I am SO glad I am not a server anymore. My favorite at Bennigan's was two 16 year old-ish boys leaving me a PENNY as a tip! I wanted to go to the high school the next day and beat their heads into their lockers in front of all their friends!

Acadia said...

Bobby--- Isn't it called 'waiting' tables because you are supposed to wait while I'm in the bathroom, wait while I math out the tip slow-kid style, wait while I mull over the menu like its my last meal, wait while I wrangle my roaming toddler to ask if they want mac and cheese or chicken tenders even though we both know they wont eat either??

Ps: Same side booth sitters should be stopped. If you want to be next to each other sit at the bar!

michelle w. said...

shit you must hate me at restaurants.