Musings From the Parents House...

For those that don't know, I got divorced and moved out in September. Having nowhere free to go, I had to go live with the parents, as I am still paying a mortgage on my house. These are some observations from the parents house:

Mom & Dad were testy yesterday. Its not how they typically roll though. Usually they are cordial, but yesterday there was much snapping going on. Bitchin about this & that. The catalyst though? Mom wanted Dad to open these champagne bottles we've had in the fridge for like 2 fucking years and dump them out. He said he thinks "they are prob still good", mom comes back with "If you didn't want to do it you should've just said so" in a snappy voice. Dad says "Ill do it later", Mom says its too late now...I don't get it lol. They recently got their living room painted by my brother & his wife. So yesterday they were cleaning, dusting, and hanging pictures. My mom dusts w/ my Dad's old underwear. I shit you not. The NASTIEST shit I can imagine. When I got home, my mom asked if I wanted to dust, I said sure, then she handed me Dad's old fuckin drawls, and I had to pass! Also they never flush the toilet if they piss. NEVER! Everytime I piss, im lookin at 6 hr old piss, electric yellow awfulness. I ALWAYS flush after that. Don't need piss festering all fuckin day. Also my mom LOVES to mess up words. My favorite one is her word for Text Messaging. Shes says tex mex. "Hey Bobby, tex mex your brother to see what hes doing this weekend" Funny as hell, Ive adopted that word as the official word for text messaging! Me and the girl im seeing always say "Tex mex me later" Its good times! Another thing MOM loves to do, is read me headlines from the paper. I WORK AT THE PAPER! I READ IT AT WORK! EVERYDAY! Everytime I tell her this she says Oh yeah, hasn't she learned? Dad is the most patient person on earth. Dad & I will be talking, Mom will come in the room, ask dad a question, dad will stop the conversation, look at mom w/ said answer, and continue back to the conversation. Like clock work, it doesn't even phase him. I guess that's why they've been married 36 years...