Tuesday, January 13, 2009

An Open Letter to Mother Nature...

Dear Mother Nature..

Listen, I know you have the power to be a colossal bitch whenever you want. But why must you wield your fury in such dramatic fashion? For instance randomly in December we had a glorious, albeit slightly rainy day in the 60's, the NEXT day it was in the 20's. Why must you make a dramatic 40 degree change in one day? Our bodies have a tough time w/ that, which is why EVERYONE on earth has a fucking cold right now! PS if you are gonna drop a shit ton of snow, do it in 1 day then give us a few weeks off to recover! But 7 inches today, 5 inches tomorrow, 3 inches on Fri, that shit HAS TO STOP! And don't say you're doing it for the children either so they don't have to go to school! While that is a Noble gesture, you fail to see the fact that if they miss too many days they have to go longer! Have a heart Mother nature! No one wants to go to school longer! Also, why do you HAVE to give us tons of wind? Cold is shitty enough, but adding 30 MPH gusts of wind is just fucking mean! Now mother nature, I know you are a fair woman, I don't know if this is some kind of menopausal anger or what, but you HAVE TO STOP! Please don't just do it for me! Do it for all the cold angry people out there that can't wait for April! Do it for the MI roads, that are gonna be SO TORE UP due to all the salt and sand. But most of all do it for the Children, so they can get out of school in EARLY JUNE instead of Mid June! You are after all a MOTHER. Isn't nurturing kind of your thing?

Cordially
Bobby G

PS. We better not have that flood discussion in Early Spring, Don't make me put the smack down on you again!

5 comments:

Beth K. said...

Reminds me of this "Best of Craigslist" post:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/603845647.html

Bobby G said...

Thats great! I ASSURE you I had no clue about that when I wrote this!

Bobbie Leigh said...

I swear to fucking gawd I am ready to kick mother natures ass.

Bobby G said...

Yeah lets jump the bitch Bobbie

Acadia said...

I think that the mother nature rage has something to do with global warming... not so much her fault as ours...