Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Drunken Bliss...Bartenders Bash 2002...a blast from BGs past!

If you could imagine a drunken utopia, it may be something like this. You wake up at 8am in a hotel on the fuckin ocean. From 10am-2pm you can drink ALL you want for free! Every liquor & beer company imaginable would be at the event, basically MAKING You drink all you can! Well this place is called bartenders bash! Basically its an annual event in April/May and its the servers time to get served. We get people drunk all the time, now its our turn. Well I attended this Merry festival in 2002. With Supertiff, Erika Van, and Dave. Here is how it went down...

Our flight was at something ridiculous like 5am on the day we had to leave. Oh and it left from Toledo. So Dave's Mom took Supertiff, Dave and I to Toledo at like 3am. Erika Van Met us later. We get Toledo Airport and we check our bags and I get searched. They search ALL My shit. Now this was my 1st time traveling after 9/11. It wasnt as bad as everyone said, or so I thought. So from Toledo, we get on a flight to Chicago. This flight was PURE HELL! It was only like 45 mins, but it was in a brutal thunderstorm. There was TONS of turbulence and at one point we even dropped like 15 feet, it scared the shit outta me, but Supertiff was in bad shape. She was terrified. We arrive in Chicago, to surprisingly nice weather, we get our bags, and continue on our merry way to get on the plane. I get hardcore searched again, I'm like WTF? But hey its security, its all good. From there we jump on a plane to Miami. We get to Miami and its GORGEOUS! And speaking of gorgeous, we meet Erika Van there as well. From Miami we jump on a plane to the keys. Now this is a fucking Buddy Holly death plane. it has room for like 15 people, it has 2 propellers, and the fucking pilot, basically rode with us. he didn't even have to make announcements on the intercom, he just said shit to us. Well we get to the keys and pickup our rental car. A 2002 Red Mustang Convertible! We roll down A1A to the keys (Isla Morada) and it was breath taking. But as we were rolling I could help think about True Lies, when they blew up the bridge. We all got sunburned as fuck on that car trip.

We get to our hotel and meet the other people that we knew there, Big Steph, her now husband Chris(?) and other great people. We drank ALOT and went to bed. The next morning the girls are up at 8, me & Dave sleep in a bit (til like 9) it is Bartenders bash Day 1! We get there at right about 10 when it opens. We are furnishing check stubs that prove we DO infact work at a restaurant, and therefore can be served! We get in and it CRAZY! first of all its right on the ocean. its a great location. 2nd its at a hotel, so people actually stayed there to get DRUNK AS FUCK! Third ALCOHOL EVERYWHERE! Literally EVERY liquor & beer manufacturer you can think of is there. Some give you shots, some give you mixed drinks, other give you beer, its all about WHAT YOU LIKE! Well 2:00 rolls around and we are SHITFACED. We somehow got home (meaning someone drove) also we must've got Burger King because it was all over the hotel room. Well I wake up at about 7:30pm in a haze, hungover as fuck! I'm offered a beer, but decline, after about 20 mins of being called a pussy etc., I decide to man up, it was rejuvenation! we roll to the bar which is open till 4am and party our asses off! The next morning w wakeup, bartender's bash, go to sleep wake up hungover and go again! This night however was hilarious! A friend of ours JS was there. JS and me always had a bit of flirtyness and due to our CRAZY state of drunkassness when we were at the bar, we decided we'd have sex. We go on the boardwalk and hook up. As we are dressing up I mention that I'm a bit lower on cash at this point of the game then I thought Id be. me & JS came up with a master plan. what we decided to do is tell people we were together. I would "let" horny guys make out with my "girlfriend" and in turn get free drinks! It WORKED from about 10 p.m. on If you could imagine a drunken utopia, it may be something like this. You wake up at 8am in a hotel on the fucking ocean. From 10am-2pm you can drink ALL you want for free! Every liquor & beer company imaginable would be at the event, basically MAKING You drink all you can! Well this place is called bartenders bash! Basically its an annual event in April/May and its the servers time to get served. We get people drunk all the time, now its our turn. Well I attended this Merry festival in 2002. With Supertiff, Erika Van, and Dave. Here is how it went down...

Our flight was at something ridiculous like 5am on the day we had to leave. Oh and it left from Toledo. So Dave's Mom took Supertiff, Dave and I to Toledo at like 3am. Erika Van Met us later. We get Toledo Airport and we check our bags and I get searched. They search ALL My shit. Now this was my 1st time traveling after 9/11.it wasn't as bad as everyone said, or so I thought. So from Toledo, we get on a flight to Chicago. This flight was PURE HELL! It was only like 45 mins, but it was in a brutal thunderstorm. There was TONS of turbulence and at one point we even dropped like 15 feet, it scared the shit outta me, but Supertiff was in bad shape. She was terrified. We arrive in Chicago, to surprisingly nice weather, we get our bags, and continue on our merry way to get on the plane. I get hardcore searched again, I'm like WTF? But hey its security, its all good. From there we jump on a plane to Miami. what do you know I GET SEARCHED AGAIN! I'm actually pissed at this point, but understand its random. We get to Miami and its GORGEOUS! And speaking of gorgeous, we meet Erika Van there as well. From Miami we jump on a plane to the keys. Now this is a fucking Buddy Holly death plane. it has room for like 15 people, it has 2 propellers, and the fucking pilot, basically rode with us. He didn't even have to make announcements on the intercom, he just said shit to us. Well we get to the keys and pickup our rental car. A 2002 Red Mustang Convertible! We roll down A1A to the keys (Isla Morada) and it was breath taking. But as we were rolling I could help think about True Lies, when they blew up the bridge. We all got sunburned as fuck on that car trip.

We get to our hotel and meet the other people that we knew there, Big Steph, her now husband Chris(?) and other great people. We drank ALOT and went to bed. The next morning the girls are up at 8, me & Dave sleep in a bit (til like 9) it is Bartenders bash Day 1! We get there at right about 10 when it opens. We are furnishing check stubs that prove we DO infact work at a restaurant, and therefore can be served! We get in and it CRAZY! first of all its right on the ocean. its a great location. 2nd its at a hotel, so people actually stayed there to get DRUNK AS FUCK! Third ALCOHOL EVERYWHERE! Literally EVERY liquor & beer manufacturer you can think of is there. Some give you shots, some give you mixed drinks, other give you beer, its all about WHAT YOU LIKE! Well 2:00 rolls around and we are SHITFACED. We somehow got home (meaning someone drove) also we must've got Burger King because it was all over the hotel room. Well I wake up at about 7:30pm in a haze, hung-over as fuck! I'm offered a beer, but decline, after about 20 mins of being called a pussy etc., I decide to man up, it was rejuvenation! We roll to the bar which is open till 4am and party our asses off! The next morning we wakeup, bartender's bash, go to sleep wake up hung-over and go again! This night however was hilarious! A friend of ours JS was there. JS and me always had a bit of flirtiness and due to our CRAZY state of drunkassness when we were at the bar, we decided we'd have sex. We go on the boardwalk and hook up. As we are dressing up I mention that I'm a bit lower on cash at this point of the game then I thought Id be. me & JS came up with a master plan. what we decided to do is tell people we were together. I would "let" horny guys make out with my "girlfriend" and in turn get free drinks! I NEVER paid for another drink. It was great! The next day we go out on the sand bar! I'm hung-over as shit from my 15 captain & Cokes I drank and am having a tough time, I had EXPLOSIVE diarrhea from dehydration mixed with hangover! I uttered the now famous phrase: "I wish I had a tampon for my ass!" But we were going on the sand bar anyways! The sand bar is a BUNCH of boats all tied together that resemble a city. There are TONS of boats and everyone is willing to give out a beer or a cocktail, nice people & GREAT times. After the sand bar we went the bars again. That night also Dave hooked up w/ this BAD ASS blonde chick. The problem was he disappeared from earth, no one knew where he was or who he was with (besides the hot chick). we eventually passed out w/ worry. OK it was from alcohol. The next morning we wake up and No Dave. His phone is dead. We have to leave the hotel at 11, well about 10:15 Dave rolls up. Mildly sunburned! He had to walk 5 miles. He left at 6am, but he successfully hooked up with said chick. The ULTIMATE walk of shame!

From Bartender's bash we roll to Key West. Hop in the mustang and TAKE OFF! We have this AMAZING 3 bdrm condo on the ocean! Literally 50 feet from the ocean! We had a bad ass deck, and a huge tub w/ jets, and since it was an actual house, we had a kitchen which allowed us to go buy groceries. So we did! Got lunch meat, frozen pizzas snacks and booze! We start with a few cocktails and eventually end up in the hot tub, with PIZZA! LMAO! One night we go out to downtown Key West, we hit Maragritaville for a Cheeseburger in Paradise and a Margarita. Then hit the bars! They have COOL ass bars there! Almost all of them have a outdoor chillspot! Well while there I meet this Gorgeous blonde girl. The only problem is she has this friend...Shes huge! Shes UGLY (huge teeth gap) and she a fucking bitch! Its the trifecta. Its a guaranteed cock block! Anticipating this I go find Dave! I'm like "DUDE! I need you to jump on the grenade" Hes like where is she, because he has EVER the open mind. when I point her out he's like "DUDE, if she was JUST fat or JUST ugly or JUST a bitch I could do it, but thats not a grenade, thats a fucking atom bomb!" Well eventually we party, and get them to come to our condo! I manage to get a little bit of play before the grenade bitched and they had to go.

We head out the next night again, and who do we see at the bar but hot chick and the grenade. We party it up and hot chick is drinkin her ass off, she was drinkin CUPS of Jaeger straight! no ice, no mix, just straight. Well by the end of the night she is the DRUNKEST person I have EVER seen. She cant walk talk or move! The time comes to leave and Dave gets her in a cab, now Key west is a SMALL island no move than 5 miles a cross, the cab ride took 35 mins, hot chick kept puking, and having to pee etc! While Dave is handling the hot chick, I'm stuck with the grenade, she seems to believe she has a limo coming to pick her up! She is also drunk as fuck and I decided Id add annoying to fat, ugly & bitchy! Finally I'm like "Look! you can stay here and wait for your limo thats never gonna come, or you cant take a fucking cab" she finally decides to get in and we drop her off at the hotel. I get back to my condo, and hot drunk chick is passed out in my room. She puked A LOT a WHOLE LOT but fortunately it was in the bathroom, so no crazy mess! well since this chick was in my room (2 beds) I had to look out for her, I was afraid she was gonna fucking die. Kept her turned so if she did puke she wouldn't of ended up in a Jimi Hendrix choke on your own vomit type scene. The next morning she gets up. She was like "Did we hook up?" I told her "No, I may be a lot of things but one thing I'm not is a rapist" she thanked me but said that "Its too bad we didn't hookup" I was like WOW!. The last night was chill. we hit the bars and since our plane left at 5am, and the bars closed at 4am, we went RIGHT from the bar to the airport. This was QUITE a scene. There were tons of us and EVERYONE was drunk! Just shitfaced! Apparently we all had the same idea! The flight back was fine, and we arrived at the Toledo airport & my dad KG picked us up. Supertiff's luggage never came, so that sucked, but other than that it was a Great time, with great people who Ill never forget it!

7 comments:

tiffany said...

this story would have been better if you would have included the part where you said: "i wish i had a tampon for my ass!"

or: "i'm driving the erika van, and i'm going to get a d.u.i"

p.s.
it was me who drove us home and to the burger king that day.

Bobby G said...

LOL, Plese hold....

Therer fixed for you Tiffy! not bad for 6 years ago though! I had to delve deep into the memories!

Bobby G said...

Oh and PS I never knew who drove us home! lol thats good to know!

Michelle said...

Hey Bobby, thanks for stopping bye! I read a bit of your blog and it looks super interesting. I will read more when I have time.
I have had the same restaurant fills up and the bar won't make drinks nightmare. I used to have that one a lot since that was the way the bar really was. Nothing can put you in the weeds faster than a bad bartender. Then they would bitch because I didn't tip them well. Fuck them!
Anyway, (doing my best terminator impression) I'll be back.

Cat said...

You drank more in that story than I have in my entire life. Bravo!

Bobby G said...

Cat! LMAO! that was hilarious!

supertiff said...

oh, and you forgot the part where we got on buddy holly special part II, and then the pilot came in and said the plane weighed to much, so someone would have to get off and leave later. and how it was monsooning outside. and how i raised my hand, like: "hellz yeah, get me off this buddy holly special!" and then dave grabbed my hand and was all: "you are not getting off this plane."

and then i passed out.

oh, and you also forgot the part where we had the layover in miami and i couldn't stop puking in the bathroom, and the bathroom had those motion-sensor-flusher-things, so everytime i moved my head--which one tends to do while puking--it would flush right in my face.

that?
was NOT awesome.