Monday, December 8, 2008

Divorce Week! What I learned about myself!

This is the final week of my marriage. The Divorce is final Dec 11, so I decided to do a blog about what I learned about myself from the divorce. Neither me or my wife had a long term relationship before this. That hurt us. We didn't acknowledge our problems we just swept them under the rug and eventually they all came out. We didn't know how "to be in a relationship" 5 years is a long time, but it was still a training period for us. Once we got that paper that said we were married it was all over. It changed EVERYTHING! We lived together for 2 yrs, so I know it wasn't that we couldn't live together, I think what it is was that we just weren't ready to be married in the 1st place. I wouldn't say we rushed into it, but we for sure needed more time for us. Until we got divorced we never had ANY fight of sizable importance. That's NOT NORMAL! It should've been a red flag for me, but I didn't think anything of it, i thought she was just that great. Turned out what happened was that she held everything inside, and in order to avoid confrontation, she just never told me anything, well eventually that volcano erupted, and the shit hit the fan. Now on the surface, this may look like her "fault" but the reality is we were both at fault. I was not a good husband. I wasn't in tune w/ her needs, and I treated her like a little sister sometimes instead of my wife. There was a lot of love there, but I wanted out as much as she did. She is 5 yrs younger than me, I also think that was a factor, there is a big difference between 25 & 30. For me it was a complete 180 in that age range. Another thing that drastically affected our marriage was the house. See when we got the house I knew I couldn't afford it, so instead of not saying anything, I kept it in, then I started living on credit cards, well my debt ballooned to around $20,000 and I never told her how out of hand it had gotten. Now we are trying to sell it and we are going to lose our asses on it! Lesson learned. In closing I'd like to state that me & my ex wife are fine. we are cordial, and we are giving each other space. We really only talk about house & divorce related stuff. But we need that.

2 comments:

Bobbie Leigh said...

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, I'm so sorry it didn't work out.

Bobby G said...

Honestly, its not too bad, we shall see on Thurs hen its final, but as of right now im doing good. Honestly I think i wanted out too! the 1st month was a NIGHTMARE. but now, im happy to move on, an I found someone I like a lot, so we shall see!