Tuesday, January 5, 2010


What a whirl wind these holidays have been! An emotional mix of happiness, sadness, missing, loving, and over all excitement! They were easier than I expected w/ regards to Lori. Had a rough time Xmas eve and New years at midnight. Went outside, sat on the porch got a few tears out, and was good to go! I miss her so much, but I am doing SO GOOD in general. I have never dealt w a loss like this before. I never knew how much strength I had inside until now. The only real thing that I embrace about all of this, is the role I have taken w friends and family when they dealt with loss. I have become a great ear for many people! I enjoy helping folks whenever possible. The holidays are a tough time when you've encountered a loss. Its a typical happy time for most, but the emotions you feel after a loss are quite strange I must say. While everyone else is having a great time w/ the food and presents etc,  I was a bit numb. I recall how great the holidays were last year w/ her by my side and it makes me a little bit sad, both because I miss her, and also that I wont have that again with her. I know for sure, that I will find someone again! I will have many memories with her too!!!! 

I am stoked for 2010! In my mind its a clean slate!!!! I can now focus on the future!!!! I can focus on my friends and family! I am very excited for the unknowns in 2010, I just hope the unknowns are good, and not bad, another 2008/2009 this year, its going to be a lot to handle...but, I'm so strong right now, I can take anything!!! 

PS: Sorry for the semi depressing post, it helps me to get my thoughts out on "paper" thanks everyone! 


Tracy said...

*hugs* so glad to see you around bloggy-land and to hear that you're in better spirits!

cheers to 2010!