Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Hardest Blog I've Ever Had to Write...


I've had the longest hiatus since I've started blogging. It's been a  terrible time lately and I come to you folks today w a heavy heart. On Sunday October 25, My ex GF Lori (Broke up a month ago) died suddenly at the age of 32. By request from the family I won't say here how she passed, but it doesn't matter. Last week was a blur of phone calls, Funeral Home Visits, and burying the girl I loved. My grief was unexplainable, as I have never been through a loss like this. I've lost grandparents, and stuff to cancer, but this is so much different, so much worse. I wrote the obit for Lori's family. That's a situation that you don't wanna have to think about when you experience something like this.  I was so grief stricken time just all ran together. I didn't know what day it was or when I did certain things. Due to my grief, I made some decisions I regret. I was overbearing to the family. I needed to let them be, but I was almost obsessed with making sure they were OK. I also called some of Lori's friends I didn't know so well and offered my sympathies. They apparently were uncomfortable with that. I regret those decisions, but I was trying to help. There were consequences. I was only allowed 1 hr at the viewing per family request. I was happy to oblige, and honestly, more than an hr may of been too hard for me anyway. I know the family is upset with me, but we all grieve in different ways. I hope one day, they can forgive me. They are great people, and I cant imagine what they are going through as a family right now. I have no ill will towards them at all. they did what they felt they had to, and I will respect their decisions. The funeral was beautiful. Huge Catholic Mass, which, was very nice despite my religious beliefs. The funeral gave me good closure, and allowed me to move on. Her dad said at the funeral that she is finally happy now, and those words stuck with me. I always wanted to do my best to make her happy, and I know she is now. That for me, is calming. I loved her so much. Even though we were broken up, we had a tremendous friendship brewing. We could always tell each other anything, without judgement, and someone like that is rare. She was a beautiful person in & out, and she will be deeply missed by not only her family and I, but countless friends. One thing I can say is that the support I received was AMAZING! Facebook messages, and chats, emails, calls, texts, I have a GREAT group of family and friends to rally around, and they made all the difference in the world. I'm also going to see a therapist. I'm sure I have unresolved issues from my divorce. Which makes sense, but this is the last straw. I'm a really strong person, but this event has hurt me in a way I never have been hurt before. It would do me good to talk about it. 

This weekend was also Halloween and my bday. I know, happy fucking bday right? Actually it was QUITE great! Once again my friends and family really rallied around me to make my day special. Saturday, I hit a Halloween Party! I was dressed as magnum PI! Check me out!!!! 


Hilarious huh? And yes ladies that moustache is all mine! I felt like a creepy child molester for the record lol! I had a great time! Sunday me and a bunch of friends rolled to a local bar Sidetrack. I got drunk. No other way to put it. 4 25 Oz beers and 5 Irish Car Bombs later, some female friends were like "BG, what do you wanna do now? You wanna see some titties?" I said "HELL YEAH!" I went to the strip club for the first time in 8 years! It was good times! lol. I had 0 expectations for this bday, infact I didn't want to do anything, but people rallied around me and got me to go out. I had so much fun, it was a pretty damn good bday after all!!! Love you guys!!! R.I.P. My Lori...


7 comments:

blueviolet said...

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I'm sure that it brought back of flood of memories and feelings for you and I can only imagine how difficult it's been. Take care and know that time will heal.

Caitlin said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. Try to keep your chin up and just remember all of the good times with her. That's the best way to celebrate her life.

Angela said...

Wow...this hit me hard. I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

Jess said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how hard this must be. Take care of yourself.

Tracy said...

May Lori rest in peace. And may you begin the journey of healing. Lots of hugs headed your way.

Lee said...

Don't forget, I'm here if you ever need to talk. *hugs*

Yaya said...

I am so so sorry. :(