Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Urinal Etiquette, the Definitive Guide.

So I am at work today at the urinal, and my boss comes up next to me. He starts a conversation, now this is an awkward moment in urinal etiquette because hes my boss. If it was someone else id say "hey" and itd be done. Now when you are at a urinal and someone comes next to you, you must focus forward, if it helps to focus on graffiti or even a speck of dirt then you can do that. There should be NO TALKING, even if I know you, talking is typically prohibited unless you are not in the urinal next to me or at the sink washing your hands out of view. However typically I just wait until I'm all done.

Sporting Events
Now Sporting Events pose a different challenge all together, thanks to a lovely creation I call "The Group trough" See below:

Now when you are at the group trough its pretty much like a long feeding trough for cows (Hence the name) and a slight slope w/ a drain at the end. The group trough may be the quietest place on earth. Its you & your cock on display for all to see without any barriers in between. You MUST focus forward, people don't want their dicks looked at & you also don't want to see one anyways.

UM Stadium
UM football Stadium is a whole other beast in itself. While the rules are basically the same as the group Trough it is its own beast. The Men's room at UM Stadium is basically a series of walls about 5 feet high with water running down it & a drain situation at the bottom. A men's roof at UM Stadium can easily hold 400 people, its extremely efficient, but not a very comfy situation, like the stadium itself you are RIGHT next to the guy your pissing with, its kind of a tense moment.

So ladies now you know, I feel urinal etiquette is passed on from a father to a son, Dad teaches you all the necessary rules you need to survive, and you take it from there. Its a strong foundation of manhood! Maybe the most important thing you learn EVER in life.


Becky said...

LOFRIGGINL!! OMG this had me dying! I always find it a small blessing that girls don't have to pee in front of each other. I also like that we go to one place to do all of our business so no one has to walk us walk into a stall and worry that everyone in the room knows exactly what they're going to do in there. Doesn't make up for that whole childbirth being a bitch thing, but it's a tiny silver lining.

Jason said...

Wow, I've never come across the "Group Trough"!

I have come across people in my office having work conversations at the urinal. I've even seen two guys walk in to separate stalls and still CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION!!! Dude, stock options can wait... they should have learned the rules.

Bobby G said...

Yeah they need to get schooled! lol

Shaggy said...

I am personally a big fan of the you know you are getting old urinal stance. Either the less dominant hand supporting all your weight on the wall, or the other hand down the back of the pants. Personally, I have to use both hands at the urinal so I never have either of these problems.